Reveries

2009-10-23T16:08:00.001-04:00

The worse part of bad things happening is accepting them as they are. You have to accept that some people will never change, they might never love you as much as you need them to, mistakes you've made might never be forgiven and dreams you've had since you were little might never come true. You have to accept that people that used to be in your life may never be there again. But accepting their indefinite absence and the underlying pain that accompanies that truth doesn't mean you have to lose hope. All acceptance means is that despite all of these misfourtanes, you have to keep going and you have to keep believing that it will get better. You have to keep believing that tomorrow will be different than today. It sounds a lot easier than it actually is, though. It hurts to let go of people that mean so much to you because at the end of the day, you want to have hope. You hope that deep down inside, they do love you. That deep down inside, they actually care about your feelings. But accepting that they don't, well that's enough to make you want to chug a fifth of southern comfort. What's even worse is not knowing why you can't just accept loss. I've known people -- members of my own family -- that are able to cut people out of their lives with no questions asked. Most people can when someone does something terrible to them. Some people even have a three strikes rule: first strike is forgiven, second strike makes you recall the "fool me once, shame on you" saying and the third time.. well thats the time to say fuck you, I'm done. Well, that's not how I work, apparently. Not when it's someone I really, deeply and truly love. Not when it's someone I deeply need to need me, or love me.. or just care about me. Not when it's my father.. not when it's my sister who throughout my life has been the only person I can truly rely on. Not when it's my best friend who isn't my best friend anymore because of a mistake I made when I was 15 but she didn't know until I was 19 because I lied about it. I keep forgiving them when I shouldn't and she won't forgive me because she shouldn't. She's a lot stronger than I am and a lot more stubborn than I am. She has the ability to cut people out of her life even though she still -- somewhere deep inside of her, though she'll never admit it -- wants them in her life. I wish I could do that. I wish I knew how to accept that she'll never forgive me and despite me calling her it, she'll never be my best friend again. So not only do I need to accept the people that have let me down but I have to accept that I have let people down. The people that I let down are only doing to me which I wish I could to the people who have let me down. Can I blame them? No. I accept it and do everything I can to never hurt someone again. To never hurt someone like I hurt her and never hurt someone the way they hurt me.

2009-08-30T23:52:00.002-04:00

I have been having the absolute worst dreams. Within the last week, I've been a victim in a mass shoot out between an ongoing mob war, my car has been stolen by a young boy holding a lime green ed hardy bag, took a shower in this HUGE warehouse.. like seriously, I can't even describe this warehouse but it was a really scary place.. and a bunch of other crazy stuff I can't remember right now. They're messin' up my shit. I'm serious. I wake up really late because apparently the dreams are so overwhelming that I don't wake up. My dreams have made me wake up late almost every day this week. I know it sounds stupid, but, it's driving me crazy.

But, as for my waking hours, I just finished my first offical week as co-editor of the paper. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. I'm actually not sure what I thought it would be. I knew it would be a lot of responsibilty, I would be really busy and stressed out. But, there are just so many things to keep track of. I think I'm doing a good job so far but I guess we'll see when the first issue comes out.. if we can find a layout editor in time. If not, I'm going to have to learn page design reeaaaal quick.

Ah. It's late. I don't know why I started writing this when I knew I had to go to bed. Psh. I'll write more tomorrow and let you know what crazy ass dream I had tonight.

2009-08-13T00:24:00.002-04:00

I am sure I've made one of the biggest mistakes. And that is not blogging the entire time I've been in South Dakota. I know I'll regret it when I want to remember exactly how I felt while I was here.

So, here is my last chance.

Today I went to work -- no surprise there -- and it was one of those boring days. These are usually the days I go into work without anything to do. I went to lunch early because I was so hungry I couldn't take it anymore. I went and shot a video, went back to work and read about the craziness surrounding Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck and militia groups rising in the country. That got me really pissed off and I stayed that way throughout the day.

I came back to the dorm with full intentions of pre-packing to go home. I put this off until 10:45 because I was on facebook doing nothing. I really hate when facebook does that to me. So then I cleaned the dishes piling up in my bathroom sized sink, packed clothes I knew I wasn't going to wear, threw away bad food, took a lot of boxes to the recycling bin and packed the toiletries I don't need. It's not a lot but it's less than I'll have to do tomorrow or Friday.

First thing tomorrow morning I have to go on a video assignment. Then, I have to rush back the the office, call this guy to tell him sorry I'm calling late, I'll call you after lunch, go shoot another video, go to lunch with Chuck, come back, call the guy back, call another guy, start writing my story and then go to a listening post at Lewis from 4 to 6 p.m. with the exec. editor and editorial editor, all the while shooting video and taking names (and lots of comments, I hope).
THEN I have to meet this lady who used to work for Argus because she's selling me a digital voice recorder for $8. I can't turn it down.. not when it means I can make my very own soundslides whenever I want.

THEN, I come back to the dorm to do more packing. Then, with any hope, passing out for my last day at the Argus.

Hopefully by Friday night everything will be packed because I want to leave by 7 a.m. on saturday. Hmm.. if I drive 12 hours on Saturday and 9 on Sunday, I can get home by at least 5 p.m. Sunday night. MAYBE. I'll either be really excited to get home so drive even when I get tired or be so tired that I don't want to keep driving. I'll keep you posted.

So that's my attempt at documenting my internship.

2009-08-08T01:04:00.002-04:00

Just finished reading the last Harry Potter book. Now, I suppose, I'll need to buy another one. Actually, I should probably just buy my textbooks and start reading those. It has been an interesting day. It was one of those days when you can feel things shifting around and evolving -- or, feel yourself changing. I walked from my desk, across the newsroom when I, for some reason, thought of what I always said I wanted to be. Where I wanted to be. I might not have forseen being in South Dakota, but, I always said that I wanted to be at an internship. An internship, I thought, would give me everything I needed to escape. As I walked across the news room, I couldn't help but feeling like "It's really happening."
Those moments, when you can acknowledge that you are in them, are extremely rare. It seems that you only recognize these moments years after they have passed. I haven't been able to come up with a good reason for doing journalism yet. At least not until today. I was describing everything I had to do to my mom, and she said, "I guess journalism is more than just writing stuff down. There's a lot more to it, I guess."
I replied to a text message that asked "What is the highlight of the internship." It took me a day to respond, to come up with a good enough highlight, or, to discover the highlight. I responded that it was getting to meet, talk to and learn so much about other people. People that I would have never met otherwise. Stories I could have never heard if I would not have been given this internship.
Every job, or task, is going to have flaws, I think. I have spent most of my time here waiting for my internship to start. Now that next week will be my last in South Dakota, I think that my whole life has been leading up to this point. I am no one special in this unfimilar state. I am not the best journalist or even intern to sit in that newsroom. But I try really hard to be. I try really hard and even though that sounds really trite, it's the best I could conjure up.
Sometimes, if not always, people see things in me that I do not see. They see potential and perserverance and talent. These things, I have yet to encounter in myself, but they must be there.
This, I am starting to realize, is not going to be the hardest task in my life and it really is, just the beginning. I am truly excited to see where I end up, what I end up doing and who I end up meeting, because I have no idea. I can make plans to do more internships and plans to attend certain colleges, but I cannot plan the rest. I never planned to get accepted into AIJI and I certainly never planned to do an internship in South Dakota. I can't wait to see what fate is going to indulge in next.

2009-08-07T12:53:00.002-04:00

I am quite proud of myself today: Instead of going to get fast food that I could undoubtedly afford -- well, sort of -- I came back to my dorm and ate Chef Boyardee. In all honesty, I crushed it like it was the best cuisine I've ever tasted. Take that, wormy wormers.

I am really disappointed that John Hughes died last night. For those of you who do not know me, or know my taste in movies, his films basically make up my top 1o lists. I did not grow up in the eighties, but, that's the thing about his movies: They were timeless and even years later, they still had a profound effect on teenagers. I watched Sixteen Candles last Friday and Pretty in Pink on Sunday. (Obviously prior to his death). I'm not just saying all of this because he died and that's what people do: pretend they really loved someone when they died even if they didn't care about them while they were alive. I really, really did love John Hughes. And I am much more sad that he died than I was that Michael Jackson died.

Anyway, I am near the end of my internship and it's quite bittersweet. I am finally getting to do stuff and really be confident in what I am doing, but at the same time, I am ready to see my family and my friends. So, there's that. I am down to my bottom dollar and I'm kind of glad. It's teaching me how to be somewhat of an adult.

My nephew turns 3 on Aug. 17 -- so happy early birthday to my buddy!! I can't wait to see him.
I want to get him a swingset for his birthday but Chris thinks I should start a college fund for him instead. I think I'll go with the swingset.

Because of You.

2009-08-04T23:57:00.005-04:00

I never realized how much my mom did for us until tonight. I told her, I don't have any food, I'm tired of eating McDonalds and I basically spent all my money. So she asked, "Ok, well, what do you have?" I told her. She gave me a meal to make: BBQ Chicken, chicken lipton noodles and green beans. I needed some stuff from the store but had less than $30 for it. She told me to know what I needed before I ever went to the store and to buy the absolutely cheapest stuff -- I know it seems like a simple task, but I've never actually been able to do it. I spent 20.61 and bought 18 things.
I'm telling this because this summer, my Dad has enlightened me that I was a mistake. He first said it when he was drunk and I was willing to let it go. But, every time it's been brought up since, he has confirmed it. He said that there was never supposed to be a second child, that he didn't want us to grow up in that environment, that he wanted better for us. I asked him why would he ever tell me that; especially 20 years later. He did not have a justifiable answer for me and I didn't expect him to. He's never been the one for explanations. He's never been the one to apologize or admit mistakes. I asked him if he remembered what he said to me when I was eight years old and he decided he was finished being our father. He said:
"I've washed my hands with this."
"You remember that?"
"Of course I remember that. How could I not remember?"
My father told me he was done with us. He gave up. He walked away.. and the worst part is that you don't care. All you can do is point the blame, saying it's all her fault, she did this. He told me he never realized how much pain he caused and I told him that until I was sixteen years old, I thought it was all my fault.
The thing is, after 20 years of fighting for him, it all makes sense. If he thinks I'm a mistake and I was never supposed to be here, then of course he would be missing most of my life. Of course he wouldn't call to make sure I made it to South Dakota safely, or to see how my trip with, or to make sure I had everything I needed. Of course.
That is why, my Mom, no matter what he or anyone thinks, is the most important force in my life. Despite her fear, regrets and mistakes, she has and always will be by my side. I never feel like I don't belong in my house. I never feel like I'm calling at a bad time. I call her crying because I miss home so much and sometimes, I don't know what I'm doing here and even though she wants me to come home, she gets me through it.
While my Dad was giving up on us, building his self-proclaimed trucking empire and building a haunted and terribly dysfunctional family, my mom was looking through cabinets desperately trying something to feed her four kids. She was working through the night to make sure that we had school clothes every fall. No, she is not perfect and I'm sure there are faults to pinpoint, but at the end of the day, she didn't walk away.
I miss her. I miss Saturday mornings and I miss home. I can't wait to be back home.

Evan Thornton

2009-05-21T00:05:00.008-04:00

So, I found this guy on YouTube who is pretty much a video editing beast ANNNND He goes to AACC.

Oh! Oh! Got my internship assignment!

2009-05-20T17:13:00.002-04:00

For six weeks starting July 1, I will be interning at the... Argus Leader in Sioux Falls, S.D.!!!!!!

Semi-Charmed Life: Chili Cook-off 2009

2009-05-20T16:34:00.004-04:00

My summer break has officially begun and for a moment, I stepped back in time.

I went to DC101's Chili Cook-off and instead of acting like the "mature 20 year old" that I am, I acted like I was still a 16-year-old punk rock chick crashing Warped Tour. No joke. I got dragged into the concert by my sister's friend who happens to be my age. I told her, "DO NOT CROWD SURF, my phone is dead and I'll never be able to find you."

Well, guess what? She crowd surfed which left me in a massive pit of sweaty 20-somethings jumping, pushing, slamming and punching their way closer to Puddle of Mudd. I'm not used to this, I'm way too fat for this, I thought as I literally felt like I was going to die from heat exhaustion.

I got out of this -- alive -- and somehow found Alex when I pushed my way out of the crowd when the set ended. When I found her, she was missing a shoe, phone and camera and like me, was covered and dirt and sweat.

But, no sweat.

We migrated. Walked around. Looked for people. She asked everyone -- and I mean everyone -- if she could buy their shoe from them. I wasn't amused. In fact, I was irritated, thirsty, hot and every part of my body was soaked from other peoples sweat. I thought it was supposed to rain all day?

So Alex and I found a t-shirt stand and both bought shirts we couldn't afford. She bought a hat to use as a shoe. Actually, she took the hat and used her old sweaty shirt to tie it on with.

We found the Mystic Piercing tent and we were apparently over our exhaustion because we both decided to get piercings. This is when the 16-year-old punk rock chick came into play. We got in line without knowing what we wanted to get pierced. We got up to the table and I realized.. Oh my God, I don't have my ID on me.

This inevitably led to ME asking anyone that looked over 35 to sign for me. They didn't and wouldn't believe that I wasn't a minor.

BUT THEN, I find Kerri.

"HEY! KERRI! Give me your ID, QUICK! I'm getting my nose pierced. Stop asking questions and just give it to me!" Apparently, in that moment, I realized that I wanted to get my nose pierced for the THIRD time because I had had so much luck the first two times.

So, I got my nose pierced and they gave me a lollipop.

"What is that line on your forehead?" My brother-in-law asked when I ran into him.

It was then that I remembered that crowd surfer who crash landed into my head (this BUMP is finally gone now).

Okay so I'm going to skip over the rest because it was pretty uneventful. Well, sort of. No, you know what? It was pretty damn eventful. We found everyone, I got a wristband (because I had Kerri's ID) and was reuniting with people from Berwyn Heights.. at least some of them.

When finally.... THE RAIN CAME!! Oh, it was beautiful. Imagine playing in the rain with thousands of drunk people.. it's a great time.

By this time, Third Eye Blind was about to come on and even though we had missed almost ALL of the bands performing, we all made it to see them.

My favorite thing about concerts is when the entire crowd is singing. The singer stops, the band keeps going, and no one skips a beat. Your forever bonded with those people. You look around and when your part comes up, all of a sudden everyone starts jumping at the same time, somehow managing to jump, throw their arms in their air and sing all at the same time. It's pretty amazing.

And I realized this is the reason I loved going to concerts when I was 16 - Even though it's hot, you inevitably get injured and at some point fear death, it is all worth it in that moment.

And, I have one last question to ponder: Why do people think it's okay to bring babies and children to a rock festival?

Peer Learning Partnership Hosts Open House

2009-05-12T22:25:00.010-04:00

Peer Learning Partnership, a continuing education community for older adults at Anne Arundel Community College, is hosting its fifth anniversary open house on June 12 at 10 a.m. until noon in CADE219.

PLP was developed in 2004 to facilitate intellectual enrichment for retired people who still have a yearning to learn new things.

“I first learned about it in one of the college catalogues,” said PLP member Randall Pack. “There was a class featuring physicist Richard Feynman and I was just fascinated that it was a course being offered.”

Pack soon found out that the course was taught by his peers and he found that he was extremely intrigued by the concept of fulfilling his intellectual curiosity with peers who are experts in their fields.

It started out with only 12 members but now has upwards of 140 members – most of which are retired, said PLP President Bill Daney.

Enrollment has been steadily increasing, partially because many baby boomers are beginning to retire, said PLP curriculum coordinator, Krista Hamel.

“The concept is very appealing to that age group,” said Hamel. “Really, it’s a wonderful social outlet for them.”

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, Anne Arundel County alone had more than 55,000 residents over the age of 65 in 2006, many of which still have the need to remain active, said Daney.

Though, Pack insists that being a member is extremely interesting in the sense that many of the people involved are former professors or fairly educated.

“This is not a group of people who got tired of playing shuffle board,” said Pack. “For example, when we’re discussing a novel, you’ll find someone who knew the author!”

Even though members are not being graded, there is a fair amount of preparation that goes into presenting new information, teaching a class, or partaking in a discussion, said Pack.

For example, one of the benefits of being a PLP member includes participating in “Fridays with Friends,” a lunchtime discussion group that meets once a week. Each week of the month has a different theme: current event discussions, current topics in science, book discussions, a travel group and a film discussion.

Most of the discussions try to reflect what the members are learning in their individual classes and each member takes turns presenting new information.

“When we did current topics in science, I had the chance to present on the 2008 Nobel Prize in Science,” said Pack. “I was just fascinated by the discussions we had. It isn’t like that movie, ‘Ferris Bueller’ when he says ‘Anyone? Anyone?’ You almost have to tell people to settle.”

The social aspect of it is very beneficial too, said Pack.

“It’s an incredible group of people,” said Pack. “When you get a lot of people who have been taking the same classes and meeting once a week, you get to know them!”

PLP offered eight peer taught classes in the spring and hopes to offer more as the enrollment increases.

The open house will allow prospective members to learn about joining, the costs, and get a chance to get to meet other members. Registering for classes offered by PLP requires signing up for PLP membership as well. Each class costs $26 and PLP has a membership of $26 per semester. For more information about attending the open house, contact Krista Hamel at 410-777-1806.

The Death of Storytelling

2009-05-07T12:07:00.010-04:00

Recently, I have read two different stories in two different papers about student journalism. It is strange to me that the media is covering themselves, that newspapers and journalism are the news. I've only been studying journalism for a short time, but I had the impression that the journalists, were supposed to be read but not ever seen -- so to speak.

Though, as the death of print becomes the news, the media finally has a chance to talk about themselves.

The first article I read was in the Annapolis, Md. paper, The Capital. The reporter told the story of Broadneck High School's newspaper who is putting their publication completely online. The newspaper's staff is afraid that putting their paper online will diminish their presence at their school.

The second article was in the Baltimore Sun and it said despite the uncertainty of journalism's future, enrollment in journalism schools is steadily increasing.

The ultimate question is: What do journalism students have to look forward to? Whatever comes after the death of print, it is sure to be something unprecedented. So, if this is something new and no one is sure what is going to happen, how are we supposed to be taught? We are taught by professors who experience is in print, the dying medium.

We are blindly preparing ourselves, dedicating ourselves and hoping that whichever path we take is the right one.

On game shows, they sometimes show three doors and say, choose the right one for a new car, or something similar. I feel that is the state of student journalism: We have to choose the right door. Instead of playing the luck game, we as students are told to prepare for it all:

Learn to write in print AND online.
Learn to make/edit video and be a broadcast journalist.
Learn to be a photographer and make slideshows.
Learn HTML so you can build your own website.
Learn to Design your own graphics and layout your own paper.
Be a mathematician, a politician, a caregiver, an educator.

Journalism students are the ultimate students because instead of mastering a specific field, we are expected to learn them all. If we want to succeed in journalism, we must have something that no one else has, and do it better than anyone else does.

And on top of it all, we still need to be good, precise, unbiased and compelling reporters. We still have to learn how to interview someone, how to research and report a story, how to write a lead under 35 words and above all, how to make a deadline.

While print is moving gracefully to the grave, it is my belief that the need for news will never die. People want to be informed, want to criticize their government, read about car accidents, discuss movie stars and hear about a child who won a battle against Cancer -- they just don't want to pay for print when they can read it online.

So, in the midst of mourning print, perhaps we as journalism students should embrace the future. We should be grateful that we have so many different ways to enhance our stories. We don't necessarily have to decide "Print" or "Broadcast" as a major. We can make our words literally come to life and that is something that should be celebrated.

If we are good reporters and geniuenly care about our work, it will be read - one way or the other. So the best we can do as students is to learn, wish for the best and well, hope we don't end up working at Barnes and Noble.

Notice anything different?

2009-05-05T17:13:00.003-04:00

I've apparently learned how to make blogger layouts. Infact, I made everything on here -- the layout, the header -- and It took me all day. I'm super excited that my blog doesn't look so boring anymore! :)

Someday I'll get a giveaway

2009-05-04T20:44:00.001-04:00

"Someday I'll Get There" blog is giving away (GASP!) free stuff! She is giving away seven handmade cards and a journal -- a journal I hope to use when I go to South Dakota! I strongly suggest checking it out and doing it by tomorrow!!!

http://remembermoments0823.blogspot.com/2009/05/giveaway-premiere.html

2009-04-29T23:04:00.003-04:00

When I reread stories or poems that I have written, I always wonder where did this come from? Perhaps it is because I use writing as an outlet or perhaps it is because my favorite author to date is Joyce Carol Oates. She just released a short-story collection titled "Dear Husband". Of course I haven't been able to buy it yet, but, New York Times did an Q&A with her and I think the most interesting thing she has said thus far is:

If you’re going to spend the next year of your life writing, you would probably rather write “Moby Dick” than a little household mystery with cat detectives. I consider tragedy the highest form of art.

I think if I could choose a role model, an idol if you will, I would choose Joyce Carol Oates. I love everything about her writing; that she has the ability to start a story telling the reader exactly what happens in the end but still write a page turner. The fact that she can make an one word chapter just as meaningful as a 30 word chapter. The fact that "Where are you going, Where have you been?" has so many different interpretations from religion to pop culture to teenagers independence.

I think I am really biased when it comes to Oates because I've gotten to the point that I don't read any other author now. I'll blame my English 102 professor for that.

Read the interview

MCASE debates the Death Penalty

2009-04-23T22:21:00.002-04:00

One of the main reasons Maryland Citizens Against State Executions hopes to repeal the death penalty is the fear that a death row inmate might actually be innocent, said MCASE Executive Director Jane Henderson.

"It's not reversible," said Henderson. "You can let someone out of jail if they're wrongfully convicted and spent 20 years in jail; you can't bring them back to life if you've executed them."

Despite the efforts of Gov. Martin O'Malley and MCASE, a repeal bill died in the General Assembly this year. MCASE, a non-profit organization, believes that the bills failure had nothing to do with public opinion but with leadership in Annapolis.

"We had a narrow margin and a Senate president who was working completely against us," said Henderson. "And frankly didn't like the bill that came out - he wanted the bill to get recommitted back to committee and be dead for the year."

The bill would not have died if it would have had enough legislature support and until they have a larger margin, the leadership's motives will prevail, said Henderson.

"Maybe one of the lessons from this is that when you're working on hard issues in the legislature, you have to either have the leadership or enough of a margin that you can override the leadership," she said.

Among several reasons why she is against the death penalty, Henderson says that capital punishment gives the government an opportunity to abuse power.

"My personal position against the death penalty is that, you give the state a power to kill, it's ultimately going to be abused," explained Henderson.

Though, she notes, the possibility of an inmate's innocence is a prevalent factor in her opposition.

"I think it's important to note that we often don't know until the very last minute in the cases where people have been exonerated," said Henderson.

Although there are only five inmates currently on death row, Henderson said that the death penalty is dealt out unevenly and there is not a certain formula in determining who is sentenced to death and who is sentenced to life without parole.

"Everyone convicted of murder gets sentenced in some way... we pick a handful of cases in which we're going to invest immense resources with the goal of ultimately seeing them executed," said Henderson.

The legal costs of a death penalty case are astronomical, said Henderson. She argues that putting those resources towards services to a victim's family would be more effective.

"I think most victims families in this state aren't thinking about the death penalty," said Henderson. "They're thinking about how to get through the next day."

The poorest families, who are more likely to experience a homicide, cannot afford to seek mental health services – a service that they must desperately need, said Henderson.

MCASE is not waiting until they achieve a repeal to start helping the victim's family and the recently passed bill had language that would extend services to the families, said Henderson.

The death penalty does not accomplish anything or even deter murder, and until a repeal is passed, other problems cannot be solved, said Henderson.

"I don't think that you can fix these problems - I think all you can do is say we're going to take death off of the table, and then you begin to try to fix these problems," said Henderson. "Clearly issues of racial bias and jurisdictional difference aren't limited to the death penalty, but you know, when life and death is on the line, I think the Supreme Court of the United States has made it clear that death is different."

"I gotta focus on what I can do and not what I can't" -- Jesse Billauer comes to AACC

2009-04-23T20:19:00.007-04:00

Just pray to the fragility of life and you’ll be on to something, advises Jesse Billauer, a quadriplegic surfer who came to inspire Anne Arundel Community College students on Disability Awareness Day.

Billeaur described the surfing accident that broke his neck in 1996, recalling that he said “Today’s gonna be a great day.”

He told students that he could have let his accident devour him, but instead he kept going.
Despite his disability, he told students “I am living my dream.”

Jesse Billauer delivers inspirational messages to AACC students.

Video/Editing by Melanie.

This part of the story is just the beginning -- there will definitely be more!

Nate and Jesse!

2009-04-22T23:43:00.002-04:00

HERE NATE!

The Side of The Road.

2009-04-21T00:13:00.002-04:00

Have you ever thought about the things you see on the side of the road? Where they come from, how they got there and what moments in their life led them to be a forgotten part of society?

The things you see on the side of the road are devastating.

On a back road I take to get home, there has been a dead deer lying dead for over three weeks. Everyday I drive by it, it is more gruesome. The deer is so decayed that you can now see its decaying flesh revealing rib bones. No one has bothered to move the carnage.

Now, I know this is road kill to a lot of people and maybe I saw Bambi too many times but I can't help but feeling horribly sad for the animal. I can't help but wondering what the person who hit it was thinking after they felt their car hit the deer.

A dead animal killed by cars speeding on a dark-lit back road is one thing, but, what about the people you find on the side of the road? Some of them are wandering aimlessly, some with their thumb in the air, some just walking with their heads down. Have you ever wanted to stop and talk to them? I just want to ask them what happened. I can't keep myself from thinking: What if that was me?

Town mourns the loss of well-known fire chief

2009-04-19T10:45:00.001-04:00

A fire chief is dead after a fatal car crash in Sudlersville Wednesday night.

Officials say Charles "Buck" Clough Jr. died Wednesday after crashing into a grove of trees.

He was en route to a small appliance fire on Main Street.

Residents are shocked by the loss and members of the fire department are still too emotional to speak about their loss.

The firemen are being comforted by women bringing food and plants.

Funeral plans are still underway.

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78 words.

Virginia Tech Students Honor Victims on Second Anniversary of Shooting

2009-04-19T10:23:00.001-04:00

Two Virginia Tech students are honoring the second anniversary of the mass shooting by participating in a 3.2-mile race.

Katelyn Carney and Derek O'Dell are both survivors of the shooting. They were shot by student Seung Hui-Cho while they were in a German class.

The two students are joined by more than four thousand people.
O'Dell says, "We're celebrating their lives, but remembering, too."

Also, two victims' families are suing the state after rejecting an eleven million dollar settlement.

###
78 words.

Don't you put me on the backburner.

2009-04-16T08:39:00.000-04:00

Thankfully, I set my alarm clock to The Killers this morning. I hadn't used them for a wake up call in a while and I forgot how much I loved them. I woke up in a good mood, didn't throw my phone across the room or press snooze 2390348 times. This, I think, is reason enough to salute The Killers and their melodic, uplifting tunes that someone can enjoy even at 7:15 a.m.

I also really loved Elizabethtown and I think it is underrated. I mean, Paula Deen is in it - that alone makes it great. Even though the movie was basically a Garden State cover, I still think Orlando Bloom did an awesome job. Plus, it has a "Free Bird" scene that lasts for like 10 minutes.

Back to the Killers, I have to say I really only liked Hot Fuss. I'm not sure if it's because I have memories of my old best friend and I blasting it out car windows or because I actually love the music. Maybe it's the former because I haven't liked any of their music since Hot Fuss. Except.. maybe.. GLAMOROUS, INDDIIEE ROCCK AND ROLL FOR MEEEEE.

I have lost touch with a lot of the bands I used to cherish.. like, The Shins, Bright Eyes (I do in fact miss Conor Oberst), Taking Back Sunday, Brand New.. and probably a lot more.

It's a shame.. because lately, I've really hated the music on the radio. The songs all say the same thing and it wasn't good the first time. I feel like I've been lost when it comes to music and I am looking to find good, moving music that shook me the same way the previous bands did.

Remembering Hunter S. Thompson

2009-04-15T00:16:00.000-04:00

http://www.flyingdogblog.com/2009/02/20/ralph-steadman-and-george-stranahan-remember-hunter/

Honestly, there is no need for me to explain - but, click the link and read Steadman's story.

You made us regret anticipating your new album.

2009-04-14T23:35:00.000-04:00

Okay, so this kid from Canada obviously did somewhat of a review on Eminem's new music video, "We Made You."

I obviously disagree with him - despite my love of Eminem. Though, I must argue that my love of his music comes from his first FOUR albums and does not acknowledge "Encore".

I have had a lot of conversations about Eminem's come back and we all agree that if he wants to be a contender with Jay-Z, Lil' Wayne, Kanye West and recently T.I., he is going to have to:

1) Explain where he has been and what the hell he has been doing for all of these years. If he had emotional stuff going on, tell us - but don't release two comedic singles in a row and expect your fans to still respect you.

2) Listen to "Infinite," "Slim Shady LP," "Marshall Mathers LP," and "The Eminem Show" and reflect on what made him so legendary in the first place. This guy once had influence - when he started baggin' on Ja Rule, all of a sudden, Ja Rule's career was over. Also, when one of Em's albums dropped, EVERYONE I knew BOUGHT it that day and that is all they talked about for weeks. When is the last time you a) bought a CD and b) talked about it constantly? I haven't since "The Eminem Show."

4) Talk about something that matters. No one cares that you are criticizing celebrities. We want you to talk shit about your Mom and Kim. Honestly, we are just all waiting for you to come out with something real and until you do, your career will be at a stand still. Monumental moments in history have occured since you've been gone and you need to address them. People are waiting.

5) Keep in mind that your real fans - the ones who know you even have an album named Infinite - HATED Encore and disregard the first single you release from a new CD.

That is all I have to say about Eminem. I have defended him in conversations, saying that when he comes back, he will trump every rapper out right now. Like I said, I'm still waiting.

Cakes and Kisses.

2009-04-14T23:07:00.000-04:00

I have been listening to "Cake and Kisses" by John Powell for two straight hours. It is an instrumental song that I heard on "P.S. I Love You" when they first got to Ireland.

I'm not sure why, but this song has calmed me down and helped me think.

Which brings me to this: the simple, seemingly minuscule..

(Now the song is skipping.)

...things in my life are kind of what makes me okay.

The stress of being in college is incomparable to anything I've ever experienced. The feeling of constant pressure and sometimes uncertainty is overwhelming. The fear of the future. These are all very intimidating and sometimes crippling feelings. How does a student explain this to their professors? They don't. Though, if anyone could understand the pressure of college, it would be them. Some, if not most, have more than a BA - so they have to know how it feels.

Even when it comes to this blog. I want to write a relevant, journalistic blog. But, I have no idea what to write about other than being a student. That is all my life consists of and when I deviate from school mode, my classwork inevitably suffers.

So, what does a student do when they no longer feel like a student and the only way they remain okay is playing a song on repeat?

2009-04-12T10:28:00.000-04:00

My mom actually made me an Easter basket. I am particularly excited about the Natural Glow because I am boycotting tanning beds - ya know, because of the whole cancer thing.

2009-04-11T23:02:00.000-04:00

Have you ever have one of those days that everything seems to be going right? Today was like that. Even though it was raining, I was still in a really good mood. So much so that on my way home from Kerri's, I stopped and got my mom flowers.

And then... everything went bad.

I had to clean my bathroom when I got home which is always disgusting.. I don't care who you are. Especially when guys use your bathroom. Is making it in the toilet not a part of potty training boys? If not, someone needs to put it on the syllabus and quick. I'm done with it! From now on, if a boy misses, THEY are cleaning it up.

Moving on, everything was going fine until my little sister's dad called and as usual, we got blamed for whatever he did. Haley and I got in a huge fight, she apparently hates me now and I am out of a really good lip gloss because she took it in anger.

This left me to dye Easter eggs alone.. or, so I thought until my Mom and Donnie joined me. I don't know if they joined me out of pity or because they really enjoy dying eggs.. but, it was fun either way. I for some reason felt like every egg was an empty canvas and I was apparently Van Gough.

I dig the lamb. It adds character.

Anyway, I'm hoping that tomorrow will be fun. We actually have family coming over.

Have a Happy Easter!

Like Kathy Lee needed Regis, thats the way they need Jesus.

2009-04-08T07:56:00.001-04:00

Heidi Montag of "The Hills" has found Jesus, ladies and gentlemen.

"Lets just say a bible study could go down on the hills since that's all Heidi does anymore besides sing," said Spencer Pratt in a tweet reply to Perez Hilton.

Montag might need some help from the guy upstairs after listening to her new music. Just because you show up on some MTV reality show doesn't mean you are all of a sudden a recording artist. Who do you think you are? Carrie Underwood?

Pratt has apparently found some religion, too.

"Just was in elevator with Mel 'braveheart' Gibson," said Pratt in a later tweet. "I told him that Passion of the Christ helped me find the Lord!"

Is that really his nickname, Pratt? Or is that something you came up with on your own? If so, kudos to you man. Maybe they should have bible study on "The Hills," that way you can find a God that doesn't make obscene comments about the Jewish.

Hopefully these two don't take over the show when Lauren Conrad leaves. Hopefully these two disappear into Colorado instead.

The Priest of the General Assembly.

2009-04-06T18:38:00.000-04:00

Could someone please brief Andy Harris on the First Amendment? It seems he hasn't heard of it. And, while you're at it, remind him of the state budget deficit and what he should actually be doing with his time. State schools aren't in enough trouble that he has to threaten to pull its budget? "It's not fun and entertainment." Really Harris? Are you actually going to say you've never found some fun and entertainment in porn?

2009-03-27T09:34:00.000-04:00

I got accepted into the American Indian Journalism Institute!! They only accepted 8 people so the fact that I got in is pretty amazing. Its going to be completely focused on new media -- so I guess its good that I asked for a flipcam for my birthday.

My spring break was good.. lots of eventful things occurred. Though, I feel like it went too fast (how typical). I think it might have helped me regain some focus. School is definitely almost over.

The good news is that our 3/30 issue looks great and I have two really good stories in it - one on the comptrollers visit and an editorial on Gov. O'Malley's visit/the recession. I'm really excited about both of them and you should definitely pick the paper up when you see it. Also read the story on the Knight written by Julie - it's hilarious. We wanted to do an April Fool's issue.. but... we completely forgot about doing it. I'm glad we didn't because Julie and Nicole rocked this issue.

Ahhh. I am freaking out about this AIJI thing. I'm super excited but super nervous. I'm pretty much going to be gone the entire summer - first to South Dakota and then to where ever my internship ends up being. The internship is six weeks long and it could be anywhere in the country. SWEET!

That's pretty much all I got.

2009-03-19T23:07:00.000-04:00

I also heard Brian Storm, the president of Mediastorm, at the convention. He showed three of his videos, but this was by far the most moving one:

You should also look at "Ivory Wars":

What Mediastorm does with these two pieces is amazing.

Pipe Dreams.

2009-03-19T21:39:00.000-04:00

New York was an absolutely amazing life changing experience. As expected. No one goes to New York and remains the same afterwards. It showed me a lot.. it showed me what it takes to be a real journalist, what it takes to live in New York.. what it takes to be independent.

First, it did kind of start out as a disaster. I woke up super early Saturday, determined that things were going to go smoothly. Well.. they did... until I got on the Chinatown bus. They started taking tickets and as she looked at mine, she said in extremely broken English that something was wrong with mine. As I would find out after I was kicked off of the bus, I somehow booked my ticket for the wrong day. So instead of letting me go ahead and book another ticket, they kicked me off of the bus - indefinitely - and threatened to call the police on me when I demanded an answer in English. Well.. no one could give me one. There were also approximately 30 people screaming at these people in a small room that was supposed to be their bus station. So I figured since I didn't have a translator, I wasn't going to make it to New York.

So here I am, stuck in Chinatown.. alone in D.C. for the first time and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do or how I am going to get out of there.

I hesistated calling my mom because I just knew she was going to tell me "I knew something like this would happen" and basically freak out. I mean I was freaking out so I knew she would. I answered when she called anyway and told her that I was giving up on the Chinatown bus and asked her if she could find me a Greyhound station. I called a cab, had them take me to the station and paid another $65 for a round-trip ticket. AHA! With the exception of my mom telling me where the station was, I did it by myself.

Of course it didn't stop there. I got a ticket for 11:15 and apparently, they overbooked it and maybe 40 people got left behind. They said there wouldn't be another bus until 1:30. I made some friends. It was quite interesting, really. They got another bus for us somehow and we went on our way. Worst bus trip ever. I was so stressed out about being alone and nervous about going to NYC by myself that I definitely couldn't sleep or read for that matter.

I finally got to Port Authority and of course had no idea where to go. Luckily, the friends I made on the bus showed me where to go. In true New York fashion, I hailed a taxi and finally made it to the hotel.

The trip home was much easier.

As ridiculous as it was, I'm actually glad it happened. I would have never known that I could do that all on my own.

Being in New York was awesome. The staff really got along and we did soo much. I almost don't know how to describe it. The classes were pretty cool.. got to meet a lot of big shot reporters like Byron Pitts - who I think is my new role model - and we learned a lot about new media.. which, I'm going to try to teach myself.

We went to dinner with a freelance reporter from New York Times and he told us how he ended up in New York. He moved from Montana, lived in Harlem when he first got there, worked as an intern with no pay at a bunch of places (including Rolling Stone - which he hated) and basically shattered my dreams within a meal. He said it was the hardest thing he's ever done but would never take it back.

I think I had this perception that you go to New York and just automatically make it. Not so much. I guess that was good for me to.

I'm really motivated though. I can't wait for the Current to go online - though, I don't think it will happen while I'm still here. but I'm going to try really hard to help it happen.

I think the trip changed all of us.. our dreams got amplified and all we could talk about was how to make the paper better, more real.

I know I'm not the best reporter or even the next best thing. I'm not even sure reporting is how I want to spend the rest of my life.. but that trip, I think, will stay with me.

We also went and saw Public Enemy for Flava Flav's 50th birthday. I didn't want to go but it was amazing. Ice-T was there. Big stuff.

I also got more confidence there apparently because I just went up to people and started talking to them. Of course my camera was dead when I was doing this - or else they'd be on youtube now. But, Hess and I had a 45 minute conversation with a NYPD about what it was like to be in New York, what 9/11 was like and what it takes to make it.

No one that lives in NY is from there. Everyone goes there with the same dream of making it.. even a NYPD.

Julie and I got a ride on one of those bikes that pull carriages and I'm telling you, the driver - if you will - was the most interesting person I think I've ever met. We asked him if he was there for 9/11 and of course he was. He said that it didn't surprise him, that this country does horrible things to people and in some sense, we deserved it. He said that he thinks that Pearl Harbor was intentional and so was 9/11 and that the government knew about it. He said that all politicans are full of shit - even Obama. He said that journalists did a poor job of covering 9/11, the Bush administration, and Iraq. He was also a Vietnam vet.

I went up to a man handing out flyers - who gave me his card, apparently - and asked him why he was doing it, where he was from, etc. He told me he lived in the Bronx because he couldn't afford Manhattan. He said he was handing out flyers because it was all he could do to make money and in New York, you take what you can get to survive. I am sure he told me a lot more but, like I said, my camera died.

Now I am back home and my life feels empty. When I was there, I felt like I was apart of something.. like everyday there was somewhere to go and there was someone to talk to. Now, I've been sitting at home, eating and staying in front of my computer.. writing about New York City. I can't wait to go back.

Here is my horrible first attempt at video editiing:

2009-03-11T23:53:00.001-04:00

So. I met the Maryland Comptroller, Peter Franchot, today and I met the Maryland Governor, Martin O'Malley.

2009-03-10T22:12:00.000-04:00

So. I am going to NYC this weekend and it's either going to be really fun or a disaster. Either way, I am pretty excited about it (even if I'm not exactly organized for it). The upside: I get to see the St. Patrick's Day parade and possibly In the Heights (if I can convince the newspaper staff that it will be better than Chicago).

I'm interviewing the Maryland Comptroller tomorrow for a story. I have absolutely no idea what to ask him because I know a total of two things about him: He's the "executive financial officer" and he hates slots. We'll see how it goes down. I'm going to dress up either way.. maybe even wear my PTK pin.. when else would I possibly wear it? Perhaps to a keg party.

On other note.... I'm kind of curious about what qualifies as criminal harrassment because I'm about to start sueing the f out of an ex-boyfriend - which, out of fear for my FREAKING LIFE, I won't name. Jesse.

I just don't think I should have to block every possible number and threaten to have him arrested for him to let it go. I mean really just let it go. Or... go back on the Lexapro. Either one.

I have, however, mastered making to-do list's and by that I mean actually completing them. Which is probably why I have time to update this. I still haven't mastered keeping my room clean - aka, tilting at windmills a bit.

Oh and by the way.. I definitely failed that gerontology exam... a 58% to be exact.. making it the lowest grade I've ever recieved in college. YESSSSSS!!!! I can't drop the class though.. I already dropped Spanish even though I said I wasn't dropping any classes this semester. The professor just REALLY got on my nerves with his stupid games that only the students who had him before knew how to play because he never bothered to explain it to the rest of us. I'm sorry but I really don't want to play freaking games at 9 a.m. So now, I'll only be able to have 2.55 seconds of a conversation in Spanish. Way to fuck up my life.

I think the problem here is that I still have no idea what I'm majoring in or what college I am transferring to so I really have no idea what classes I actually need. Common sense would tell me to go to adviser and have a dialogue with him about it. BUT, when I did, he just went on Artsys and sent me on my way. I CAN GO ON ARTSYS MYSELF - why do you get paid to go on a public website?

Oh and I got denied for financial aid. Really? How do you figure my family makes too much money? Because last time I checked, we live in a trailor park in the middle of bumfuck and I have to CRIMINALLY HARRASS my father for money he "wipes his ass with," according to him. I guess now is probably the time to get a job.....? Naaah - OBAMA WILL FIX IT! Or... probably not.

I'm also back to not being able to sleep. I would rather have my face covered in oozing pimples than not be able to sleep. Like, being kind of a sleep but not actually sleeping and apparently, having conversations with God with him telling me to "beware of A<3D." Which really freaked me out at the time because I was like no fucking way.. is God here.. like right now? But, I figure I was just really tired from not being able to sleep. Or, I'm crazy and probably shouldn't tell people about the halucinations I have in the middle of the night.

I really, really, want a laptop. I don't know why.. probably because my family is too fucking poor to get me one even though I don't qualify for financial aid. I mean seriously.. how am I going to pay for my tuition? I already have $5,000 in student loans and I'm not at a 4-year yet.. plus, I'm probably going to end up working at Barnes and Noble after college..

It's just scary.. not knowing what I want to do. I can either be a teacher, a writer, or a journalist and from what I understand, none of those options make much money. Of course that is alright with me because I want to do something I love but I would rather not live HERE the rest of my life.

Someone told me they didn't want to live in Maryland for the rest of their life... I think it was Kerri.. which is surprising to me because I thought she always wanted to stay here. I've always been the one who wanted to leave. I don't know now.

Despite all of my ranting, I've actually had a really good couple of days. My weekend was pretty amazing.. not because anything abnormal happened.. but just because it was ridiculously nice out. Whenever it is not really cold but not really hot, I get extremely happy... like Marry-Freaking-Poppins-Happy. Seriously. Someone could slash my tires, punch me in my ovaries, chop a section of my hair off, leave a really fucked up message on my MySpace calling me a fat pathetic whore and then call my phone screaming 1375890347589 times..... and I would still be happy. Which is pretty much how my weekend went.. minus the tire slashing, punching and chopping of the hair. But the rest of it... that actually happened. True story.

I'm also in a pretty good mood because I'm getting shit done and I don't have that OMG! OMG! OMG! I AM SOOO FUCKED! feeling. I think I am gaining a lot of confidence back and finally starting to feel like ME again. Not the me that I had to be for an entire year but the me that is just.. alright with the way things are.. however cliche that might sound.

My birthday is coming up; everyone alway says "eh, turning 20 is not that big of a deal." But it is, kind of. I'm not going to be a teenager anymore which is kind of a bad thing and kind of an amazing thing. I don't know, to me, turning 20 is kind of an achievement. I have changed so much since I turned 18 and my birthday kind of shows that. Essentially, what I am trying to say is that I am proud of what I've accomplished in two years. Sweeeet.

Los padres are going away on March 21..... early "I'm all grown up" birthday celebration? I think so.

Alright. That's all I got.

Love,
Your all-time favorite pirate hooker.

2009-02-27T15:27:00.001-05:00

So.. I am kind of over this semester so far. I'm also doing pretty shitty. In addition, I am chain smoking like a motherfucker for no apparent reason. TAKE THAT SURGEON GENERAL! The problem with devoting all of your time to 2 classes and ignoring the other ones is that all of a sudden, an exam pops up out of NOWHERE - even if you haven't read the six chapters it's on. Plus, I really don't think I'm good enough to bullshit my way through the exam. We'll see how it goes.
On lighter note.... I got into Phi Theta Kappa - which I'm sure they'll kick me out of once they see how poorly I did on a Gerontology exam. & I am applying to the "American Indian Journalism Institute" even though I only have a LITTLE Indian in me.. and doesn't everyone? If I get accepted, I'll go to South Dakota for three weeks and compete for a six week internship and be gone the entire summer.
What this means is... I can brag about being a good student without ACTUALLY being one.
I'm glad no one reads my blog because it is complete nonsense.
I am supposed to be cleaning right now because my room looks like this:

I don't understand how my room gets so messy.

So I guess I should probably start doing that............. fuck.

2009-02-16T22:01:00.001-05:00

I don’t know who I am.
I am a student.
I am a sister.
I am a victim.
I am a fighter.
I am a statistic.
I am eccentric.
I am invisible.
I am a disappointment.
I am a dreamer and a nonbeliever.
I am a realist.
I am an optimist.
I am suffering.
I am determined.
I am a quitter.
I am trying.
I am overwhelmed.
I am sorry.
I am..
No one you haven’t met before.
What do I have to say?
Nothing that hasn’t been heard.
How do I know?
I’ve been told.
I’ve been told to
Forget
Settle
Let go
Try harder
And to pretend.
I’ve been told I am
Strong but
Weak.
I have been called worse things.
I am afraid of dying.
I am desperate for approval.
I am angry.
I am sad all of the time.
I am ignored.
I am condescending.
I am a façade.
I am a rumor.
I am all of these things.
I am who they tell me to be.

2009-01-23T15:27:00.000-05:00

This semester is not starting well at ALL. I am almost positive I failed a journalism "reading quiz" today. EVEN though I'm on like freaking chapter 5 of the book and bragged to my professor how I couldn't put the book down. What I did not mention is that I read the first chapter back in december and therefore couldn't remember the name of the fake 6 year old herion addict mentioned. Also, I'm pretty sure my deodorant is wearing off because I'm sstarting to SMELL. Thank god no one is in the newsroom. Tragically, I've been in the newsroom since my news media class let out (at ONE!) because Mitch has been doing god knows what and just left me to hang out here. To make things worse, Kerri decided that she is no longer in need of my services and would like me to magically disapear before Amy arrives. Well.. impossible and it is not my responsibility to figure things like this out. I changed my entire schedule to babysit Ryan for ONE night and yet, I've been there since Tuesday. I feel like I've been in this fucking newsroom since Tuesday. There's nothing to do. Nothing exciting anyway... besides working on a story I don't feel like working on. It's friday. I wanted to have fun time tonight. Instead, I'm going to spend the entire night arguing with my sister about how she plans to get me home. This is such bullshit. Okay, so I should probably stop complaining.. but, I've been at school since like 8:40 am and I'm still here and its not because I have something to do or because I am hanging out with people but because my ride forgot I was here.. more or less. Or, knew I was here and didn't care and just took his sweet ass time, figuring, eh who cares if she's stuck at school.

In other news, my classes seem like they are going to be pretty hard and I'm already behind.. or, at least I feel behind. WELL, I'll be home all by myself the entire weekend so I should have plenty of time to fix the "not getting off to a good start because I've been at my sisters house all week because I was doing her a favor and yet I get stuck at school and shipped away as soon as she wants to do something else" problem.

Plus, even though I said I didn't want to do the Admin. beat for newspaper, I am anyway.. which I really don't even care about. Someone left their water in here... I think I'm going to drink it.. hopefully no one has herpes.

Okay well apparently Mitch is almost here.

Dear Santa

2008-11-05T22:42:00.000-05:00

Dear Santa,
I have been extremely good this year. I'll tell you why; I stopped drinking (heavily), stopped blacking out, did really well in school and managed to never get pregnant. I believe all of these things deserve recognition from you and your crew at the North Pole.

I'm not talking some cookies from Mrs. Clause, though they would be nice. For Christmas, I just want a few things. I'll list them below.

1. A new engine for my Prelude. My dad bought me the car a year ago, knowing that the engine was going to die and never told me. It was the first car I had that wasn't literally falling apart. Now I have to sell it because the tags are expired and if it gets towed, I'll never afford to get it out. I don't think I'll be able to sell it.. not because it doesn't run.. but because it reminds me that I once drove a car that wasn't a mom mobile.

2. I think you should talk to my sister for me and tell her that she needs to stop the pain she is putting our family through. Grudges and blame have plagued my family my entire life. It isn't the same without her, the holidays aren't the same. My mom isn't the same. I'm not the same. I have lost the rest of my family and I really just want to have her back without the arguments. I think you should try to make her understand. I feel like family has lost its meaning to our family and forced us all to lose faith in trust.

3. A lifetime supply of gas. My dad makes over $100,000 a year but would rather spend it on Harley's, pick-up trucks, campers, boats, smokers, 18-wheelers, his drinking habit, and his illegimate son than to pay for his daughter to get back and forth to school.

4. Tell the credit card companies that keep calling to fuck off. They call 50 times a day and take up all the room on the caller-id.

I don't want a lot for christmas, I just want my mom to stop worrying. Everyday she is in fear of losing the house. Every day we have to search the cabinets to find something to eat because her unemployment check barely paid the bills. I know that christmas is far away and that it isn't supposed to be about the gifts. Everyday my mom cries about Christmas and says she doesn't know how she'll handle it. She has always been able to buy her four children everything they asked for. Now, she doesn't know how she'll get them anything. I am okay with that. I don't need gifts to enjoy christmas, but she does. Christmas has always meant everything to my mom.

I really wish you did exist. When I was 9 and we lived in a one bedroom apartment, I told my mom not to worry because Santa would bring us gifts. I guess part of me still believes that.

Barack Obama's position on Higher Education (unedited)

2008-10-24T09:44:00.000-04:00

Throughout his presidential campaign, Democrat Barack Obama has emphasized “change,” but more importantly for college students, he has emphasized on reforming higher education.

If elected, Obama promises to simplify the application process for financial aid, eliminate subsidies on the most costly student loans, expand Pell Grants for low-income undergraduate students and improve community colleges across the nation.

Obama plans to create the “American Opportunity Tax Credit” which proposes that the first $4,000 of a college education would be completely free for most Americans. The tax credit would also make community college free for most students.

At AACC, tuition is has been $86 per credit hour for Anne Arundel County residents since 2006. For a full-time credit student, two semesters at AACC cost $2,064. With Obama’s tax credit of $4,000, an AACC student would have their tuition covered and enough for fees and books.

There is a catch to Obama’s tax credit plan: recipients have to complete 100 hours of community service a year. Community service might be a better alternative to the high interest rates that accompany student loans.

Even at an affordable community college, students may still wonder, “How am I going to pay for this?” According to Obama and Joe Biden’s plan, the average graduate leaves college with more than $19,000 in debt.

Obama and Biden’s plan promises to eliminate subsidies for the most expensive private loan programs. Unlike publicly funded loans, the Federal Family Education Loan Program is funded privately by banks and lenders. Private loans cost more than publicly funded loans and do not offer any extra benefits. Obama plans to eliminate the subsidies given to private lenders and direct the money into aid for students.

Many students are forced to seek student loans when financial aid isn’t enough or their families are determined ineligible.

Obama has proposed to reform the financial aid process by eliminating the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FASFA). Instead of completing the lengthy application, families would be able to apply for financial aid by checking a box on their tax forms.

He argues that by simplifying the financial aid process, more families will be able to afford college tuition without racking up student loan debt.

Throughout Obama’s political career, he has worked towards increasing Pell Grant’s available to students. Currently, Pell Grant’s are available to low-income undergraduate students.
Grant amounts are determined by the estimated family contribution, the cost of attendance and whether the student attends school full or part-time classes.

The maximum amount a student can receive from a Pell Grant is $4,731. Obama hopes to maximize the Pell Grant to $5,400 in order to better fit the needs of students and reflect tuition inflation.

According to Obama’s plan, 12 million people attend community college’s a year and without them, millions of people would not be able to access the education and skills to succeed.

Obama plans to give more support to community colleges though his Community College Partnership Program. He hopes to provide grants to community colleges to analyze what programs and degrees are needed for the American people to keep pace with the demanding workforce.

He would also like to reward the institutions that have high graduation and transfer rates.

“We'll help schools determine what skills and technical education are needed to help local industry; we'll expand new degrees for emerging fields; and we'll reward schools that graduate more students,” said Obama in a speech gave at the Mississippi Bend Area Education Agency in 2007. “That's the change we need so that our young people can achieve their dreams.”

How State Budget cuts will affect AACC. (unedited)

2008-10-24T09:41:00.001-04:00

College officials say that although no final decisions or plans have been decided yet, it doesn’t look like any specific programs at AACC will suffer from recent state budget cuts.
On Oct. 15, Gov. Martin O’Malley (D) and the Board of Public Works announced a budget cut which has resulted in $1 million cut from Anne Arundel Community College’s operating budget.
The board is cutting approximately $350 million from Maryland’s budget and 8 percent will be cut from all community college aid. AACC officials are confident that recent cuts to state budget will not jeopardize students, faculty or staff.
“A million dollars is a lot of money,” said Vice President for Learning Resource Management, Melissa Beardmore. “I wouldn’t want to have to pay it myself but the college’s operating budget is over $100 million. So $1 million, in the scheme of things, we’ll manage.”
Linda Schulte, director of Public Relations and spokesperson for AACC President, Dr. Martha Smith, said that there are several ways the college leadership could manage reductions to the college’s operating budget.
“If we don’t fill the [empty] positions and we don’t add any tremendous increase in benefits or programs or anything like that, we can weather the first million dollar storm,” said Schulte.
According to the Human Resources office, the college is still currently advertising and filling positions. It is still unknown whether college officials will implement a hiring freeze.
While the college will survive the first round of cuts, there are many concerns that if the state and county revenues do not improve, community colleges may suffer more cuts in December; no one knows how much the next cuts might be.
“It’s a million dollars - for now- and there could be additional cuts – at least that’s what we’re hearing from the governor and the comptroller,” said Beardmore. “So it’s still a little early to tell.”
AACC officials are committed to making education affordable and accessible to students. Since 2006, tuition rates for county resident students have been $86 per credit hour.
Schulte says that the Board of Trustees is doing everything thing they can to avoid raising tuition rates.
“The Board of Trustees is very committed to affordability as one of our five mission mandates here,” said Schulte. “They’ve taken a long hard look at the million that we’re going to lose and they don’t think that’s going result in that. But if something else comes down the road, I can’t speak for what they’ll do.”
College representatives also fear a reduction in much needed renovation funding.
“Next year we’re on a list to get more funding to help with our library expansion as one of the capital projects,” said Schulte. “Well, you know, maybe the state looks at that and says we’re not going to fund capital projects at community colleges at all.
“But that’s just speculation at this point.”
The Andrew G. Truxal Library was built in 1968 and renovations are said to begin in fiscal year 2010.
The library’s plumbing, heating, air conditioning and electrical systems all need to be repaired or replaced.
According to the county’s capital budget and program, the library will be expanded by 31,260 GSF square feet and will also be updated to meet student needs. The renovation should be completed by 2013.
The capital budget will fund $21,300,000 million of the renovation but college officials are unsure how much the state will be able to contribute.
There are several ways the college might compensate for future budget cuts.
According to Schulte, business partnerships with companies seeking to train employees is
one way the college generates revenue.
Keeping enrollment rates high may also help the college compensate for the reduction in state contribution.
In 2007, AACC had an enrollment of 56,370 non-credit and credit students and with new programs such as WeekendYou, enrollment is steadily increasing.
Schulte says that the troubled economy may also increase enrollment.
“Historically, when times are tough, a lot of people come back to community college to either get a better career change or upgrade their skills because they want to keep their job,” said Schulte. “Growing the enrollment is another revenue producer and so that’s obviously at the heart of what we do.”
College officials will not know what the final fate of the college budget is until late December. Still, the administration and faculty are conscious of excessive and unnecessary spending.
“At present I have not heard about direct impact on faculty, but indirectly we are all att-empting to economize when possible, such as by being cautious with use of supplies and
other resources,” said professor Roy Carson, president of The Faculty Organization.

Despite the fear of future budget cuts, officials are confident that their leadership and community support will uphold the college through the economic downturn.
According to Schulte and Beardmore, the college’s first priority is students. When Dr. Martha Smith became the president of AACC in 1994, she declared that student success comes first. Beardmore said that AACC students should know that they are always first priority.
“The primary thing they should know is that the college’s mantra is ‘students first’ so whatever we do is with that in mind. That’s our guiding principle,” said Beardmore.

College officials are dedicated to keeping AACC affordable and accessible to all of their students; however, Schulte said that the school is affected by the troubled economy too.

“I think they [the students] just have to understand that there are economic pressures on us,” said Schulte. “This is $100 million business – the college is these days. It’s not a like a buck fifty, our budget is about 100 million. So, were committed to our mission and were committed to all of those things but at the end of the day, we have to pay our bills.”

2008-10-17T11:37:00.000-04:00

I don't understand anything about football. I don't know what a first down is, I don't know why people cheer for yards. All I know is that a touch-down is six points and a field goal is one point. I have never cared about football. But, last night when I watched my little brother play JV football was quite possibly the most moving experience I've ever had. He stood on the sideline, his white jersey turned brown from being tackled. My little brother is quite possibly the laziest person I know. Last night was the first time I have seen him work as a part of a team, the first time I've heard people cheer for him. I don't have to understand what a first down is to understand how much that meant to him. There was a water tower next to the field that read "GO FALCONS!" and fall leaves falling on the field. People were screaming and the bleachers were rumbling from people stomping. The stands echoed from "Na na na, na na na, hey, hey, hey, goodbye" when there were 10 seconds left on the scoreboard - it was clear the Falcons had won the game. The Falcons lined up infront of the auidence and yelled "Thank You!"
For the first time, I understood why Football means so much to so many people. For the first time, football meant something to me. When my little brother came out of the locker room with his hair wet with sweat - and quite possibly the rest of his body - I ran up to him (literally, ran) and gave him the biggest hug I have ever given him. I am so proud of him.

My little sister haley is here. I love it when she is here because I feel like I have a family again. Even though on the ride home me, my mom, and her had an argument over whether or not her dad is an asshole. We fought over this because when I was little, her father used to scream at me to look at him when he was talking to him. If I didn't, he would grab my chin and force me to look in his eyes. I am nineteen now and cannot look anyone directly in their eyes. Last night when him and my mother both had attitudes, I said "both of you need to calm down, I don't know why your so stressed out." He started screaming at me, told me to look at him when he was talking to me, and grabbed my chin to force me to do so. I said nothing and obeyed. Why didn't I tell him that I am not a child anymore? Why didn't I tell him to never put his hands on me again? Maybe thats the point - he scared the shit out of me when I was eight and 11 years later, he still does. I wish my little sister could understand that.

We're making halloween cookies tonight and carving pumpkins, and perhaps doing a little painting. We are quite the festive bunch. We are holding on to something we lost a long time ago - our childhood.

I have to go to class today, and I don't think its necessary but my newspaper has promised a surprise so how could I turn that down?

2008-10-16T11:36:00.000-04:00

So I have decided that maybe I'll start actually using this blog. It's what the cools kid are doing. Or not doing. Wwhhaatever. So I have decided that I hate the AACC library. Every time I try to find a book, I can't. I figured I'm just retarded because I am incapable of navigating a library. Well, as it turns out, I'm not retarded - they are.
I was looking for Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson and according to the catalogue, it was in the library, along with many other books by him. GREAT! So, I go searching, despite my fears. Not only could I not find the specific book I was looking for, BUT no other books by him. I go and ask the circulation desk to please help me. "Did you look for it?" God. Of course I looked for it, perhaps you could come show me where it is and perhaps how to find books so we can avoid this problem. 10 minutes of searching goes by. "Hm. Thats weird. Its not here." You are completely right ::taps nose:: so maybe you should update the FUCKING CATALOGUE with a note that says, search at your own risk because chances are, you won't find what your looking for. BITCHES.

Aahh. Well I have started to write for the school newspaper. Lots of boring articles about lots of boring happenings at the college. Look for me on the front page.

Mama always told me who you love.

2008-09-22T23:43:00.001-04:00

Historic Construction: Final Paper in HIS212.

2008-08-12T21:00:00.000-04:00

Melanie Gilkerson
HIS212
August 7, 2008
“Le Promesse Rotte.”
Historic Construction: Port Of Entry
Narrative
Sicily is a place that many today go as a tourist destination. Vacationers are stunned by its beauty and say things like “if only I could live here, I would be happy.” I lived on a farm in rural Sicily and I did not share the popular idea that Sicily is a beautiful place. My father had passed away from disease and it was only myself, my mother, and younger sister. There was little hope in the face of devastation. The night before I boarded the ship, my mother said, “there are no guarantees, Nicola Valentino. Promises made are promises broken. But I may promise you this; there is a place where you are given a choice. America is a place where you may say no.” She knew this from hear say, for she had never been to the America’s. She knew this because she believed any where is better than Sicily. She believed I would do better there. This is what my mother told me the night before I boarded the ship to the America’s. This is what I learned at fifteen years old- I have no choice.

At fifteen, I was severely destitute. Looking back now, I suppose I came to America the same reason poor American boys join the military – it’s the only way out. But much like them, I did not get what I expected when I was promised security and prosperity. I left Sicily for the United States on April 4th, 1895 and arrived at Ellis Island on April 11th. I then had begun searching for a place to sleep. The city was like nothing I had ever seen. I ended up in a place now referred to as Five Points in Manhattan. It was not like Mother had described. This was not the land of the free I had hoped it would be. I had no money on me, and no plan to speak of. I went into a building and had a seat. To my surprise, there were not many women in the saloon and many men sat playing cards. I sat in the saloon for a bit, sitting to myself, until all of a sudden I heard yelling overcome the dim lit saloon. One of the white men had jumped from the table, threw his cards, and begun pushing the other men at the table. I did not understand what he was yelling about. I did not know English nor was I familiar with the card game being played. I saw a young man who looked like me; I knew he was from Italy as well. I stared for a bit but did not approach him. It was only later that I would learn his name, learn where he came from, learned why he was in America, and why he was in this saloon. He would later show me a place to sleep, a place I would live for a long time. However, we did not speak but only exchanged eye contact –this moment was not a fleeting exchange of understanding – this eye contact established my life in America. I would later discover his name was Celio Bonaventura and he found prosperity in gambling.

Celio introduced me to my home in America which became a little room no larger than a closet. My mattress had lain on the wooden floor. The sheets that covered the mattress were yellow with brown stains that had not washed away. I slept here for many years. I sent many letters home telling my mother of the wonderful life I had achieved. I told her that America was everything she said it to be and I had achieved our dreams. While I was used to living like this, in Sicily I had spent most of my time outside. In New York, I stayed mostly in my room. The allies were lined with carnage, victims, orphans and tramps gripping on to their American dream, believing that this is what they came here for. The children, not much younger than I walked aimlessly, speaking none, desperately searching. The children’s eyes skimmed the streets for the strangers who had birthed them. The strangers who were victims too -who had died in their closets of diseases I would never know the name of - of diseases no one bothered to treat. I sometimes found myself skimming the streets along with them – hoping to find what they were so desperately searching for. I often wondered why someone did not stop it and how I wish I could do something to end it. No one gave these children a place to sleep because there was no place to sleep. They wandered aimlessly into allies and were victims of silence.

My neighbors were from the same place I was. We all shared the same dreams of escaping the life we had known in Sicily. We all shared the same shame in lying to our families back home when we told them we had achieved the American dream.
When I left my family behind, I believed I would see them again. When I received my first job as a street vendor, I sent home what money I could – which was not much. I did not sell my bananas for much. I did not sell my apples for much. I did not ask for much because there was not much to be given. I took what I could and it wasn’t much. I had come to know many men who told me of their family. They told me they had brothers who went to work in coal mines and railroads owned by the leaders of this country; the ones who controlled this country. They had fathers who had become shoemakers and mothers who had done laundry. No one had told me how to be like the leaders of this country. They just told me how to stay alive. Many of them had died before I had a chance to ask more of them. Many them had gone back home to Italy. The glow their faces shown when their ship landed were now covered up by shame and dirt.

When I could not buy food, Celio introduced me to a man named Paulie. It was only then when I could stop selling fruit. It was only then when I could send more money home. It was only then that I stopped sleeping in yellow sheets. Paulie turned my stand into a grocery store. He turned the back of the store into a gambling den. I was a part of La Cosa Nostra, what would later be referred to as the Sicilian Mafia. Paulie taught me how to speak English and I was a quick learner. Paulie taught me how to dress and how to have the barber cut my hair to match the rest of the guys. He taught me how to kill the Irish and the Jews and how to have them on my side. Paulie showed me the men that came into five points wearing suits, going into allies and buildings to give away turkeys. These men would give us jobs and they’d buy up Fifth Avenue but they were our heroes because they did something. We found out there was money to be had in their campaigns where they bought the city up, so we gave them some of ours to get more back. We found boys to do our jobs for us and taught them how to take lives. We taught them how to kill because that’s how they would get what they wanted; what no one was willing to give them. We taught the young boys how to steal coins from another mans pocket. They felt they had no choice but to listen to us and we felt we had no choice but to teach them. We knew this was their only hope and our only hope. We never got caught because we knew the system. We paid the cops off and we paid Tammany Hall off. If there was ever a witness, they lost their memory.
There were always girls at the parties and always around. Paulie paid some of them to sleep with men and beat them if didn’t. There were always girls around but not the kind you want to marry. In one of my trips up town, I met a girl named Kathleen who had blonde hair and long legs. Her father was wealthy and I don’t know why she ended up with me, but when I asked her to marry me, she said yes. She taught me how to be an American, she taught me what to say in public and what not to say. But most of all she showed me that the stories my mother told me were true, but it just takes time to see it. She told me that no where in life could possibly be a dream and nothing is ever as good as it seems. She began houses that taught immigrants how to care for their children and how to be an American. She took care of them. She helped me leave Five Points and leave Paulie when her father gave me a job and gave us a house. We were married for ten years before I lost her. She became extremely sick and never became better. She died in 1918 and I have missed her ever since.
My mother was right not to promise me happiness because I am not sure she nor I could understand happiness. We have the right to pursuit happiness, but not the right to happiness, that cannot be promised. I never went home to Italy though I saw many go back home. I have since lost my wife and I am now an American. However, my struggle to survive in this country will never end. I strongly believe now that the American dream is not about riches and fortune but of survival.

Notations
Italian immigrant. It has been shown that during the period of 1880 and 1920, 4 million Italians migrated to America. No other ethnic group has sent so many immigrants at one time, (1). Most Italian immigrants of that time were male, (1). According to Alan Brinkley, most immigrants were young; the majority between fifteen and forty-five years old, (2). Therefore, I decided that my protagonist should be Italian and fifteen years old when he enters America.

“Nicola Valentino,” two popular Sicilian names, (3). I first chose to write my narrative on an Italian immigrant after I learned about Nicola Sacco and Bartolomeo Vanzetti; to me, the represented the discrimination and fear that many American’s had towards immigrants. Nicola Sacco highly influenced the protagonist’s name. The narratives protagonist, Nicola, comes to America in order to have a choice and represents the dreams that all immigrants possess. I chose Nicola as his name because it means people’s victory. He overcomes harsh living conditions and discrimination and works harder than any one should have to. He does not accept defeat; for this reason, I chose his first name to be Nicola because it is a popular Sicilian name and it embodies what he represents. I chose his last name to be Valentino for several reasons. First, it is also a popular Sicilian name. Secondly, it means of hope and love; it represents the hope Nicola had when he emigrated to the United States – the reason many come to America, hope for better, for more; it represents the love that he possesses for his mother, Italy, and most of all, of himself. These two names are combined to define who Nicola is as a person, an immigrant, and later as an assimilated American.

o “Celio Bonaventura,” common Italian names.
I. Celio: Means “heaven.”
II. Bonaventura: Means good fortune in Italian. The 13th century saint Bonaventura was a Franciscan monk and a Doctor of the Church (4).

Nicola first settles in Five Points in Manhattan which was known as the worse slum in New York City. Five Points was an immigrant ghetto (2) home to many multiple family tenements where Nicola would live. It met at the intersection of five streets in Manhattan including: Anthony, Orange, Mulberry, Cross and Little Water.
Nicola talks of what he has heard of other people doing to survive in America. This is used to demonstrate the other choices made by immigrants to survive, including migrating west to work at railroads, (468).

Five Points was the original spawning place of the old time gangs such as “Five Points Gang,” (164). The gang was also called the “La Cosa Nostra,” or the Sicilian Mafia. This gang was prominent in American culture, breeding such gangsters as Al Capone. I felt it was important to relate Nicola to the Five Points Gang because of the situation he was in. I think it strongly indicates the choices he had to face: poverty or wealth. In this case, however illegal, he chose wealth. Although, he did ultimately leave the Five Points gang when he met Kathleen.

The protagonist, Nicola, was heavily influenced by Anthony Apacalo, the first major mafia don of New York City. Nicola was also influenced by Paolo Antonini Vaccarelli also known as Paul Kelly. He was also mildly influenced by Johnny Torrio, another Five Points gang boss.

Tammany Hall plays a minor part in my narrative but nevertheless an important one. “By threatening voters, falsifying voter lists and stuffing ballot boxes, the gang helped aid corrupt city officials in the infamous Tammany Hall.”

In the 1900’s, the three leading causes of death were pneumonia, tuberculosis, and diarrhea and were responsible for 1/3 of all American deaths, (9). Therefore, in the beginning of my narrative, Nicola describes the mass of people and children dying around him. This also describes the poor living conditions of New York City.

The 19th century shift in population from country to city that accompanied industrialization and immigration resulted in outbreaks of cholera, dysentery, tuberculosis, typhoid fever, influenza and malaria, (9).

Nicola’s wife, Kathleen, is killed in 1918 because of a influenza pandemic which caused 500,000 deaths in the United States and 20 million deaths total, (9).

Bibliography

Books
v Brinkley, Alan. The Unfinished Nation: A Concise History of The American People. Vol. II: From 1865. Focusing on:
Ø Chapter 17 –
§ “The Immigrant Workforce,” (468-469).
¨Used to describe how immigrants impacted the growth of the industry, why immigrants came to America to escape poverty, and the jobs they were subjected to.
Ø Chapter 18 –
§ “The New Urban Growth,” (479)
¨ Used to describe and understand the growth of immigration during the 1890’s.
¨ Descriptive explanations of “immigrant ghettoes,” and tenements.
¨ Descriptive explanations of the stride immigrants made to assimilate and become “true Americans.”
¨ Used to explain that the majority of immigrants were young – between 15-45 yrs old and male.
§ “The Urban Landscape,” (485)
¨ Used to gain a better understanding of the living conditions poor immigrants were subjected to such as tenements in comparison to the living conditions of the middle-class.
§ “Strains of Urban Life,” (489).
¨ Used to describe poor living conditions Nicola endured including pollution, poverty, crime, and violence.
¨ Describes existence of “gangs,” in the urban community. Inspired me to research further the existence of Italian gangs in New York City and therefore decided to make Nicola a part of a gang to demonstrate his living conditions and environment.
Ø Chapter 21 –
§ “The Settlement House Movement,” (557-560)
¨ Used to describe the supposed need for immigrant assimilation by the development of such settlement houses as “Hull House” created by sociologist Jane Addams.
§ “The Temperance Crusade” (573)
¨ Used to describe the effect temperance had on immigrants.
§ “Immigration Restriction,” (573-574)
¨ Used to describe the immigrant population’s effect on social problem’s and the effect it had on the immigrants themselves.
¨ Describes the “nativist” view.
Ø Chapter 23 –
§ “The Red Scare,” (621-622)
¨ Describes the effect radicalism and communism in the 20’s had within the United States and the measures taken to prevent it.
¨ Describes Nicola Sacco and Bartolomeo Vanzetti; two Italians convicted of murdering to pay roll employees in 1920 mainly because of their affiliation with Anarchism. Therefore revealing the meaning behind the protagonist’s first name.

Ø Chapter 24 –
§ “A Conflict of Cultures,” (640-642)
¨ Describes the effect prohibition had on Catholic immigrants such as Italian’s experienced.
¨ Describes Nativism.
¨ Describes the Ku Klux Klan’s judgments and acts towards immigrants.

v Bibliobase: Primary Source Documents for History. Edited by Michael Bellesiles. 2000. References made to:
Ø How the Other Half Lives (1890) by Jacob Riis, (10-11)
¨ Used to describe tenement living conditions that many immigrants in poverty were forced to face.

v Taking Sides: Issues in American History, Vol. II, 9/e. Edited by Madaras-SoRelle. 2001. References made to:
Ø “The Failure of Progressivism” (1971) by Richard M. Abrams
¨ Used to describe progressivism’s effect on immigrants on the “ethnic movement.”

v World Encyclopedia of Organized Crime by Jay Robert Nash. Paragon House Publishers: 1992.
¨ Used to describe mob bosses of the Five Points gang.

Relevant Websites
http://www.yale.edu/ynhti/curriculum/units/1999/3/99.03.06.x.html
The Italian Immigrant Experience in America (1870-1920) by Joan Rapczynski.
Yale-New Haven Teachers Institute. Curriculum for a lesson plan to teach eleventh graders of Italian immigration in to the United States. Very useful in that it uses valid statistics and describes why many Italians migrated to the US. I use this website for statistics on Italian immigration and to get a better understanding of what Italian immigrants experienced.

http://www.grifasi-sicilia.com/dimmicomegbr.html
Tell Me Your Name: Sicily – The Meaning of Sicilian Names. A guide to the origins and meanings of Sicilian names, Accessed through a Google search on “Popular Sicilian names,” in order to add Sicilian authenticity to the protagonist of my narrative, Nicola Valentino.

http://www.behindthename.com/nmc/ita.php
Behind The Name: Italian Names. A collection of Italian names and meanings, accessed through a Google search on “Italian names,” to define a name for Nicola’s friend, Celio Bonaventure. I used a different website than I did for Nicola because it is never specified what region of Italy Celio is from. Therefore, I used a broader search engine.

http://memory.loc.gov/learn/features/immig/italian.html
An informative site in which depicts the Italians immigrants origin and history in the United States. This was very useful because it addresses every issue an Italian immigrant faced. Describes the hardships in Italy that would inspire an Italian to travel to America and what they experienced at Ellis Island. It was this site that showed me that many Italians never made it past New York and many settled in south Manhattan and Mulberry Street. I then discovered that Mulberry St. was apart of “Five Points,” which was the worse slum in New York City.

5. http://www.fbi.gov/hq/cid/orgcrime/lcnindex.htm
Federal Bureau of Investigations. Organized Crime. Overview of Italian Organized Crime. Describes the history and long standing legacy of the Italian Mafia in American society. Describes Charles “Lucky” Luciano, a Sicilian, as the person responsible for starting the American La Cosa Nostra. Website also describes the Sicilian mafia and its relations in America.

6. http://www.time.com/time/time100/builder/profile/luciano.html
Builders & Titans: Lucky Luciano. By Edna Buchanan. Time Magazine. 1998.
Article describes personal biography of Charles “Lucky” Luciano. Used to gain a better understanding of organized crime in the early 1900’s.

7. http://library.thinkquest.org/20619/Italian.html
Immigration: A Journey to America. “The Italians.” ThinkQuest. Describes the living conditions in which the Italians faced when they emigrated to the United States. Provides a prolific history of Italian immigration.

8. http://history1800s.about.com/od/urbanconditions/p/fivepointsnyc.htm
Broad informational website describing the living conditions at Five Points in Manhattan. Used to describe Nicola’s life in Five Points as well as the organized crime he was thus involved in.

9. http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/PDF/wk/mm4829.pdf
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Center for Disease Control and Prevention. Information from Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report. (1900-1999). 1999. Vol. 48 No. 29. CDC study revealing living conditions in the 1900’s, leading cause of death, and life expectancy. I used this site to decide how Nicola would die and at what age. Also used to describe the 1918 influenza pandemic.

10. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Points_Gang
Wikipedia: Five Points Gang. Quote used concerning Five Points and Tammany Hall.

11. http://www.harpweek.com/09Cartoon/BrowseByDateCartoon.asp?Month=April&Date=8
Harpers Weekly: Cartoon of The Day. “Hygiene of New York City.” 1865. Describes the ignorance of New York City health officials in 1865. Used to describe the unsanitary conditions of tenement housing as well as the epidemics in which accompanied it.

Perhaps it is right, or even necessary to forget accidents...

2008-08-11T03:08:00.000-04:00

"Perhaps it is right or even necessary to forget accidents, and wars are surely accidents to which our species seems prone. If we could learn from our accidents it might be well to keep the memories alive, but we do not learn." - John Steinbeck

It seems that my US History II class has had a reversed affect on me. I believed, before taking this course, that by actually learning about America's past that I would somehow gain a sense of pride. I did not. In fact, all this class has done is expose things I think I would have been better off not knowing. As naive and immature as that statement appears, I do not think it is wrong to say. I do not understand why America solves its problems with war. I'm sure I'm not the only person who has asked this. Honestly though, I feel that it is what it is. I am tired of the egocentrism. We do not enter wars for the humanity of the world. Yes, we went to WWII and ended the halocaust, GREAT! That might be true and I might be proud of that - had the US allowed the 900 Jews attempting to flee from their inevitable death on the St. Louis. Instead? Instead we refused to let the St. Louis even DOCK. We are so concerned with global security that we drop an atomic bomb on Hiroshma? Yes, we are quite the bunch.