Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been extremely good this year. I'll tell you why; I stopped drinking (heavily), stopped blacking out, did really well in school and managed to never get pregnant. I believe all of these things deserve recognition from you and your crew at the North Pole.

I'm not talking some cookies from Mrs. Clause, though they would be nice. For Christmas, I just want a few things. I'll list them below.

1. A new engine for my Prelude. My dad bought me the car a year ago, knowing that the engine was going to die and never told me. It was the first car I had that wasn't literally falling apart. Now I have to sell it because the tags are expired and if it gets towed, I'll never afford to get it out. I don't think I'll be able to sell it.. not because it doesn't run.. but because it reminds me that I once drove a car that wasn't a mom mobile.

2. I think you should talk to my sister for me and tell her that she needs to stop the pain she is putting our family through. Grudges and blame have plagued my family my entire life. It isn't the same without her, the holidays aren't the same. My mom isn't the same. I'm not the same. I have lost the rest of my family and I really just want to have her back without the arguments. I think you should try to make her understand. I feel like family has lost its meaning to our family and forced us all to lose faith in trust.

3. A lifetime supply of gas. My dad makes over $100,000 a year but would rather spend it on Harley's, pick-up trucks, campers, boats, smokers, 18-wheelers, his drinking habit, and his illegimate son than to pay for his daughter to get back and forth to school.

4. Tell the credit card companies that keep calling to fuck off. They call 50 times a day and take up all the room on the caller-id.

I don't want a lot for christmas, I just want my mom to stop worrying. Everyday she is in fear of losing the house. Every day we have to search the cabinets to find something to eat because her unemployment check barely paid the bills. I know that christmas is far away and that it isn't supposed to be about the gifts. Everyday my mom cries about Christmas and says she doesn't know how she'll handle it. She has always been able to buy her four children everything they asked for. Now, she doesn't know how she'll get them anything. I am okay with that. I don't need gifts to enjoy christmas, but she does. Christmas has always meant everything to my mom.

I really wish you did exist. When I was 9 and we lived in a one bedroom apartment, I told my mom not to worry because Santa would bring us gifts. I guess part of me still believes that.

2 comments:

Mike Reppenhagen said...

We are too much alike, and that makes me happy about the world, because we're both close to being normal, and we didn't kill ourselves.
Since you're not trying to drink your problems away, maybe I should stop trying to fall in love with every woman to take mine away. Hmm. Food for thought. I'm sorry Christmas sucks for you as much as it does for me.

Melanie Gilkerson said...

The funny thing is... I got 2/3 things on that list.